by Kelly Charlton

Created on: October 12, 2010

What Is Wrong with Me (Why I Am So Obsessed with Retards)

                I’m always trying to get a laugh, which can be taken as a sign of extreme insecurity (you know, using humor and sarcasm as a self-defense mechanism) or a symptom of ingesting too many pot-laden brownies, which makes the absurdity of the world that much more… absurd and hilarious. Regardless of why I try, often miserably, to be funny, like Popeye, “I am what I am and that’s all I am.” So, last week when I posted, “Fat kids are harder to kidnap” as my status update on Facebook, I was surprised when one of my friends responded with, “What is wrong with you? Seriously?” And this question, my friends, has been weighing heavily in the shadows of what is left of my tiny mind. And it is this question, “What is wrong with me?” that I will now attempt to answer.

                First of all, I’m a Gemini, and so are both of my parents, which made growing up in my family a real circus for me and an absolute nightmare for my sister who is a Virgo. For those of you who are not astrologically inclined, let me explain. Geminis are the most screwed up sign in the cosmos.  Here are some fun facts obtained from Astrology Weekly:

1.Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. (Everyone except my family and friends.)

2. Geminis like to believe they are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur.

3. Geminis make very popular rides. We especially like riding the choo-choo  train.

4. Geminis drive funny cars. We often drive them into trees or buildings.

5.  A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date.

 6. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When we do, it is usually in the Special Olympics where we compete in pool or air hockey. We don’t do well with javelins and tend to poke our eyes out when given one.

7. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. (Let’s keep it that way and vote no on 19, okay?)

8. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." (Well, not really, but let’s pretend, shall we? It will keep the voices in my head happy.)

9. Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as we are nearly always talking

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