by Elaine M. Doxie

Created on: October 09, 2010

When we marry, we become not only responsible for building up our own self-esteem, but that of our spouse as well.  It is our responsibility to stay positive about them, because, after all, love is all about making the person we love feel their best.  All too often, however, we get caught up in the little day to day things and forget to give them those compliments and the positive strokes that will help them to build their self-esteem.  As a result, we often tear down the very person we should be building up.

One of the things that we can do to build our spouse's self-esteem is to compliment them sincerely and often.  Tell your wife how beautiful she is, especially when she dresses up, but sometimes just in the moment.  Tell your husband how good he looks in his favorite outfit, unless his favorite outfit is old pair of baggy sweatpants and a tank top.  Tell your spouse when they've made an especially good dinner, or gotten the house exceptionally clean.

Another thing that you need to do for your spouse is to notice the little things that they do for you.  Comment on how good they smell when they are wearing your favorite perfume or cologne.  Notice when they put on your favorite outfit, or if they do their hair the way it looked on your first date.  Noticing these things reminds them that you still notice them.

Give them credit for doing their best, even if it's not perfectly to your standard.  Nothing kills a good mood faster than telling someone that their best just isn't good enough.  If their best isn't up to your standard, pick up the slack, or help them to find a better and more efficient way of doing what they need to do.  If you keep criticizing, it will hurt their self-esteem and ultimately will hurt your relationship. 

Overlook small shortcomings and look at the big picture.  There is nothing more frustrating than spending the day cleaning only to have your spouse come home and find the one area in the entire house that you missed.  You wind up just wanting to scream.  It can also be a killer to your self-esteem because you wonder why you even bother to work so hard if you're still going to come up short.  for this reason, when your spouse is working hard, you need to take the time to notice it.  Sometimes it may be hard to notice, especially if you have small children as they tend to work something like a tornado, leaving nothing but destruction in their path.  If the house is as clean as you left it, or even not that much dirtier chances are that your spouse has been working hard.

Surprisingly, just simple things like common courtesy can help your spouse to build their self-esteem.  Being a gentleman and opening doors for your wife helps to make her feel special.  Picking up your husband's favorite soda while you're at the grocery store will make him feel loved and special.  Just caring for one another and taking time for each other does so much to build self-esteem.  There's really not much to building your partner's self-esteem except making them feel loved and cherished. 

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