by Vicki

Created on: March 06, 2007   Last Updated: November 15, 2011

Self-Protection is the method(s) everyone has used at some point to protect themselves emotionally, physically and or mentally from the anticipated possibilities of hurt, damage, exposure, weakness and betrayal. Nobody wants to be hurt or betrayed so we develop patterns according to our past experiences to ensure that no one will hurt our being again. Self-Protection in short for now...keeps us "safe"! Rick Campbell, a man who introduced me to this important fact drew a diagram of Self-Protection for teen boys in placement that he works with and teaches this concept of self-protection to. He uses his diagram for everyone he teaches and it is simple and effective in showing our nature of self-protection.

The results of self-protection are that we deaden our desires and so are dead inside!

Deepen my belief you can't trust others.

Emotional distance.

Avoid looking at myselfSHAME.

Deaden my desires for closeness/relationships

We grow up w/ abuse through childhood... "any abuse".

The abusers were important people in our lives and a lot of the time...they are people we love and are very close to.

We grow up not trusting others because we fear abuse from past experience.

We come across friendly people and we 1) Avoid them & 2) Push them away if they pursue any kind of close relationship with us.

By avoidance and pushing these friendly people away from our hearts, we end up with people who think in that manner much like we do.

This allows us to keep our distance from true heart and relationships and protects us from any hurt closeness could potentially cause.

So we stay w/ people who do not require closeness as it is intended to be and in the same way we also do not require closeness...because it hurts and betrays us!

In repeating this pattern, we deaden our desires for love and intimacy and we settle for "comfortable" which is safer than giving ourselves fully to others. Some of us would rather be in abusive relationships than to be required to give our heart up in a truer sense that would ultimately make us vulnerable.

*This self-protective pattern is applied to any and all relationships whether it be your husband/wife, co-worker, parents, children, friends, ....literally EVERYONE. I will go deeper with this concept as we go!

Choosing to see the patterns

In my own life, I was raised in an alcoholic and drug addicted family (all the men). I came to hate drinking and I knew I would never be a drunk myself. I had been exposed to and intrigued by Alcoholics Anonymous

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