by Sandy McPhee

Created on: March 05, 2007   Last Updated: April 25, 2007

When it comes to managing unwanted behavior in children, there a number things that must be looked at in order to manage the behavior.

The first factor that must be be explored is why is the child misbehaving. In younger children asked these questions.

Question 1. Are they tired? Often tired children will act out in public places. If it is past their normal nap time or if they have been out in a stimulating environment for too long, the answer is to take them to a quiet place so that they can nap. My son would often throw horrendous temper tantrums only to throw himself on his bed and fall asleep. A tired child is not a rational child and nothing you do will improve his behavior.

Question 2. Are they hungry. As with question one a hungry child is not a rational child. Children are growing at a phenomenal rate and many times parents do not realize that the child's behavior is due to the need for food.

Question 3. Are they over-stimulated. Children will often act out if there is too much stimulation for long periods of time. Again the behavior can be resolved by removing the child to a quieter spot until they calm down. I had a child who was a biter and when I asked friends for help in stopping this seriously unwanted behavior, the best advice I received was to think about the behavior just before the biting occurred. Sure enough, the behavior was similar before every biting event. I started removing him from the situation before he bit someone and we went for a quiet time together. Within 2 weeks, he was moderating his own behavior and not getting agitated to the point where he would bite someone.

Question 4. Are you as parents expecting behavior that your child is not yet old enough to give. If you expect you two-year-old son to sit quietly for long periods of time, you will for the most part fail. Be realistic in what you want from your children. Before you decide that you 18 month old should sit through church or your five year old should be able to make his own bed perfectly, get a book on milestones, or check websites or ask your family doctor what is reasonable for that age group and set your expectations accordingly.

Now that you have run through all the question of why a child is misbehaving, the next thing is the word NO. If your child is doing sometime bad, stop them. When you say no mean it. Many children keep wheedling and whining and their parents give in. Don't be persistent it might be tough at first but they will eventually learn that no means no. Set limits. Children are never too young, within reasonable bounds, to understand cause and effect. The if and then. IF you throw your toys, THEN they will be taken away. Children will act inappropriately in order to test the boundaries, if you are firm with them they will soon learn what is acceptable and what is not. But remember, they are still children, not mini adults are it is unreasonable to expect them to behave as adults. In working with children as a Sunday School teacher, scouting leader, and classroom volunteer, I have encountered many children who were well behaved around their parents but are absolutely awful the rest of the time because the expectation are too high at home. Our role as parents is to guide our children into adulthood. This takes time and patience. Do not set unreasonable goals for behavior and do not expect instantaneous results or obedience and you will find that you can correct any unreasonable behavior.

Learn more about this author, Sandy McPhee.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.