by Dr. Jerry Kennard

Created on: October 05, 2010

Arguably, the best person to answer a question about how it feels to have social phobia, is the person who suffers with it. I don’t have these experiences but as a person who has helped treat people with social phobia I do have a perspective about what underpins the feelings and what happens to reinforce them.

These days, most psychologists subscribe to what is known as a cognitive interpretation of the problem. Essentially, this views the person with social phobia as caught up in a cycle of beliefs and negative interpretations that serve to reinforce the problem.

Before the person with social phobia even confronts a social situation their beliefs and feelings serve to undermine their confidence. Bubbling away in the background are the beliefs that a social encounter is bound to go wrong and that people will see straight through them and their incompetence. I know that some people with social phobia can remember a time where a social experience was difficult for them. Maybe they felt humiliated, intimidated, or completely out of place? Maybe someone passed a comment that hurt them deeply and they’ve never forgotten it? The feelings these experiences generated have never really gone away. The person now can’t separate the problem from their own sense of self. The two are intermingled and often indistinguishable. The mere thought of a social encounter leads to physical symptoms and emotional distress.

It is, of course, difficult to get by without some form of social encounter. Because the person with social phobia has already set the scene in their mind they tend to be highly vigilant and look for any signs that reinforce their beliefs. A chance frown, a yawn, a laugh, can all be interpreted negatively. Any one of these can immediately trigger all the worries and fears about social encounters they hold true. Then, in kick the symptoms. The feelings of nausea, the wish to get out of the situation, the headaches, and the fear that things will get even worse.

People with social phobia often use safety behaviors. These are little tricks they have established to help cope with difficult situations. Some may seek out a chair because their legs go to jelly. Some worry that people will see them trembling or feel they have clammy palms, so they grip hold of a glass or some other object. Some avoid eye contact. All these things serve to act as a shield but they are also a constant reminder to the person that they feel very uncomfortable.

As if all these feelings weren’t bad enough there comes a time when the social encounter finishes. We all tend to reflect a little on social encounters but the person with social phobia can take this to a whole new level. The already feel terrible but the memory of their social performance starts to chip away at their already battered esteem. They remember how they responded to certain questions and they moan in disbelief. They may feel themselves flush with anger or embarrassment at their perceived ineptitudes. These feelings and beliefs simply serve to prop up their already held assumptions and the problem becomes self-serving.

The really sad thing is that treatment is often very effective. Part of the role of treatment is to strip back the feelings, the beliefs, the perceptions and work with the person to rebuild their confidence.

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