by Andrew Planter

Created on: October 02, 2010

To leave or not to leave is not really the question. The true question is what were we looking for in the first place when we started this relationship, and have we learned how to find it. If we’re thinking its time to leave then maybe it is, but what is more useful to concentrate on is the question “where will we find what we haven’t been able to in this relationship”, because if we haven’t been able to find it here simply moving on to the next one won’t be very helpful, in fact it can be time-wasting, confusing and hurtful.

 What is it we all look for and crave for? Love. Its that simple. And expecting to find it in another person is the biggest mistake we all make. Its an easy mistake to make because when we open our hearts to someone and they respond, we both feel love, and loved. So what’s wrong with that? There’s a misperception at work here. The love we feel doesn’t come from the other person, it comes from within us. I’ll emphasise that, it comes from within us. Opening our own heart is the key.

 When a relationship feels empty, we need to take a look inside and ask ourselves if have we shut off our emotions and feelings, and even our body. If we have then its us we have to work on rather than the other person or the relationship. If it’s the other person who has closed down then don’t they need to do the work? Maybe, but that’s their choice, we can’t do it for them. The question we need to ask in this instance is are we trying to change them, and have we been staying in the relationship waiting for them to change. If so, and if its not happening, then maybe it is time to leave, and it certainly is time to change our belief that ‘our love will change them’.

 How do we know when its time to leave a relationship? Know ourselves, know what we need and want, and know what our intentions are. Because there’s one relationship we can never leave whether its working or not, and that’s the relationship we have with ourselves. If we can learn to nurture that, and learn to open our heart no matter what, then our other relationships will automatically change to be in harmony with who we have become.

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