by Pam From Hell

Created on: October 01, 2010

First dates can be absolutely fine, in a perfect world, which we don’t live in.

Good or even great first dates are easily forgotten, and don’t interest many people. Who wants to hear how wonderful things were?

It’s the horrendous, jaw-dropping funny first dates that people want to hear about. I’ve had plenty of them and am not ashamed to share a few to give people a few laughs.

Let me begin with the "Hot Tub" first date. He was a fairly prominent lawyer, well to do, and picked me up to go out to dinner. We weren’t in the car five minutes, when he announced that he wanted to make a quick stop at a friend’s house on the way to the restaurant. I sat in the car while he scampered up to a window of the house, had a few words with a person I couldn’t see, and scampered back to the car. "Let’s just have a glass of wine here before we go to the restaurant okay?" I was slightly hesitant, but agreed, since a friend had known this guy for a few years and thought he was harmless enough to go out with. Anyway, we walked to the back of the house, and were greeted by a man holding a towel. He was absolutely, totally naked. I found it odd, that he wouldn’t be wearing the towel instead of holding it, but there he was, in all his nakedness. My date walked past him, went around to the far side of the hot tub, promptly stripped off all of his clothes and got into the tub which was already occupied by a naked woman who I assumed was "towel man’s" wife, or girlfriend, or whatever. And then the funniest thing happened. They all looked at me, like it was my turn. I looked at them, without skipping a beat, and said, "You know, I think I’ll pass. I’m going out to the backyard," which I did. I was standing outside breathing the fresh air, when I felt a presence, turned around and "towel man" was standing there, yes, still with towel in hand. He then proudly stated, "You know, you are the first woman to ever meet me for the first time when I’ve been totally nude." I looked him up and down and said very slowly, "Don’t get excited about it – I’m certainly not." And turned my back to him once again. I was both stifling a laugh and furious at the same time. A few minutes later my date appeared, clothed, and said, "Well, where do you want to go to dinner?" I smiled and said, "We’re going someplace EXTREMELY EXPENSIVE, because you owe me for this little escapade."

Next, there is the "Recuperating

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>