by Christyl Rivers

Created on: September 29, 2010   Last Updated: September 30, 2010

People are shallow because they are pretending to know what they perceive value to be.  People are always very complex.  In fact, no one is truly shallow, but they, we, pretend to be so that we don’t come across as outsiders.

We only pretend because we need connection.  Often this human need is unconscious.  For the ease of social “fitting in” we pretend that silly and shallow things, such as reality show contests, fashion, status, and celebrity status, actually matter.  Of course nothing like this really matters.  Anyone who has seen stars at night knows that earth is just a particle in space, we and our “important” people is all a game, a pretense, so that we can feel we too, might matter. 

Some people take these shallow desires deeply into the realm of attaching meaning to “the tag.”  The tag could be anything:  Sports cars, poker, fashion shows, designer kitchen gadgets, athletic gear, -you name it—we want to belong, so we go after the tag to be part of that particular membership. “The tag” is derived from the obvious link to designer labels, but of course, anything, even dressing like a total slob, can be a way of wearing a certain tag.

When someone becomes a true fanatic about any given attraction; we either see them as true and sincere devotees, or completely shallow.  We all are guilty of one or the other, and usually both, over our lifetimes.  We care about connection and belonging, but to do so we have to pretend we do not care.  It’s very, very mind muddled and contradictory. People who are past six years of age are usually socially adapted to “manners”.  We create meaning by attaching to shallow desires.

Manners, means you will essentially not cry or wail when you are unhappy, but it also means that you repress that emotion, and pretend that you don't suffer rejection. You also don't run screaming and laughing barefoot through grass, it would be considered improper.  Abandoning manners for joy is suspect.  It's just not done. So, instead, we channel our enthusiasm into other areas, trying to belong. All of us are concerned most about rejection, but we dare not say so. In this way, we become shallow, in that we put on a false front for the sake of normal human social interaction.  The person is afraid, above all else, as appearing inadequate.

What matters to you in middle school will be

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