by Austin Moore

Created on: September 27, 2010   Last Updated: January 17, 2011

It's easier than you might think to control your jealousy in a relationship. The first step towards controlling that impulse is to first let go of the idea that you "own" your partner. No one owns anyone else, no matter what the situation. Your girlfriend, or boyfriend, whatever the case might be, has the right to go about living their life the same way they always have, before they met you. And as long as that doesn't entail being as mentally and physically close as she is with you, with other people, you need to be okay with that, and not let jealousy win out..

Once you've gotten in the right mentality, you're ready to exercise your patience. If she goes to hug another guy, or something of that nature, don't immediately threaten to pummel him. Instead, refrain, and attempt to gather information about the other man from your partner, without trying to seem jealous. Try to determine if he is a threat; search for key aspects, like whether he is single, what is his connection to your girlfriend, etc. This will save you a lot of anguish, and make you seem like the level-headed one in the relationship.

Now, even though I'm saying don't immediately go beat him up when she greets him, I'm not saying you need to just sit there and broil in your jealous rage either. If you feel that what your partner is doing is inappropriate regarding his relationship with you, talk to her about it. Tell her how it made you feel uncomfortable, and how you felt a bit jealous. Don't try to control her by demanding that she her never hug or express affection to any guy again, else she'll totally shut down, and not consider your feelings anymore. Instead, let her listen, and see what you can get.

When she's out with friends, you don't need to just be jealous of her friends, wishing she was with you. Instead, do something creative with your time. Whatever you normally do to take your mind off things, go do that. Or if you don't have any time wasting activities, try writing, drawing, playing sports, whatever it takes to make you at least momentarily forget how your partner is not with you. Of these activities, I personally have found that most forms of physical activity work well, they take my mind off of things, and make me feel really good. And, by doing these things, you're growing individually as a person, which helps strengthen the relationship you two have.

I'm not saying my methods will help you control your jealousy completely, or even work for you. But at least give them a try, and do your best to have a good, healthy relationship.

Learn more about this author, Austin Moore.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.