by Carleen Kirkpatrick

Created on: March 05, 2007   Last Updated: May 22, 2007

In matters of parenting, it appears to me that patience above all else is the key. And better still, great parenting should be what we all strive to provide our children. I have no pride against confessing that I reach levels of frustration at times that make me want to throw my hands up in the air and scream. And I feel like I don't have another ounce of patience left in me. Parenting is one of the most difficult and trying tasks that I have ever had to perform. Yet it is also the most rewarding. When I look at my daughter, I am continually amazed at how quickly she learns and grows. From the personality traits she picks up on, to her own little quirks that she produces all her own- it takes my breath away to see the little person that she is becoming each day. That is where my responsibility towards her becomes apparent. She learns from me. The way she interprets and responds to stress and difficulty- she learns from me. The way she behaves in front of company- she learns from me. The way she keeps up her room, or leaves it a mess- she's learning from me. The attitude she gives or the temper she keeps control of- she's learning these things from me. To toughen up or cry in the face of pain- she is learning how to react from me. It is my responsibility to teach her by example. The old saying- "Do as I say, not as I do"- that is not the way to raise your children- because that is not what they really take in. Just the other day I was smoking a cigarette, and my daughter says to me, "Can I have one?" I knew that I was setting a terrible example for her- and I felt like I was letting her down. I have been going back and forth with smoking for some time, but I think that moment really did something to me. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since. I know I won't be smoking in front of my daughter anymore- if I smoke at all.

Sometimes I feel so guilty about not giving Micah the undivided attention that she deserves. By this I do not mean that I need to follow her around and respond eagerly to her every whim and whine. I simply mean that I need to take the time to respond thoughtfully to her throughout the day. So often I find myself trying to busy her, and distract her to free up my own time and space. But what do I really have to do that is so important that I can't stop to fully engage in her tiny dealings when she brings them to me? I can't really think of much. I want my daughter to know how important she is to me. I want her to know that I care and that I value her thoughts and opinions. Sure, she's only three and a half, but she's definitely got her own thoughts and opinions on things. Just ask her. HA. HA. HA. It is my plan to make sure to stop and give consideration and feedback to what she has to say more often than I have been. How frustrating it must be for her to have such a limited vocabulary as it is, and not be able to communicate and express herself to the people closest to her because they simply don't listen. Time for me to be a little more fair with her- to let her know that she has just as important a role in our household as anyone else. Sometimes I think I forget to give her that respect- so how can I demand the same respect in return? I don't want to run a communist household, but rather a democratic one- where everyone's opinion counts. (The only catch is that I am the President of this democracy and I get the final say- ha. ha. ha.)
Key Points:
1. Patience! Patience! Patience!
2. Teach through example.
3. Give thoughtful consideration to you child's thoughts and opinions.
4. Teach respect by being respectful.

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