by Gail M Feldman

Created on: September 25, 2010

I can't take care of myself.

Oh, I don't mean because of my physical disabilities. When I was young, skinny and spry I couldn't take care of myself. At least now I can cook - in fac t I'm rather good at it; back then, my first real culinary efforts involved adding almond extract to ground beef. My father, who believed women shouldn't operate heavy equipment, wouldn't let anyone near the washer or dryer; I have learned to empty the lint trap and shuffle stuff around when an imbalance causes appliance recalcitrance, but I am not always entirely disciplined about laundry segregation. I get by. I fall behind, but I ain't dead yet.

But don't ask me to iron. I can't. I won't. I'm no good at it, I don't enjoy it and I'm afraid of it. I'll burn holes in things; I'll burn holes in myself. Besides, if I keep an iron in the house, I won't use it, but it will fall on a cat's head and do damage, or somehow plug itself in, leave itself on all night and incinerate the house.

Come to think of it, I won't blow dry my hair either. I wonder if I'm a cold fish? I AM a Pisces.

I show up everywhere damp and wrinkled, in all seasons. Well, okay, that's IF and WHEN I show up. (I told you, I can't take care of myself; you think keeping appointments is easy, or even possible?  I am worse than my paternal grandfather.  He would tell us he was coming to visit on Monday and show up on Thursday, totally baffled as to why we were ever-so-slightly upset with him.  At least he showed up!) The point is, I wear cotton, and cotton wrinkles. I wear hair (it grows on me) and hair gets wet in the shower, especially if you remember the shower cap AFTER you've ducked under the showerhead. I am mildly allergic to polyester and although the '70s are long behind us I am still crazily allergic to double-knit leisure suits. I am a drip-dry gal in a mousse-and-shellack world.

Don't worry too much about me; I have cats who take very good care of me, and a fiancé who tries hard, although sometimes he is just trying. He doesn't iron either. Sometimes I cook for him. Hmm. I'll have to try that with FOOD some day.

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