by Amy Caro

Created on: September 22, 2010

In a perfect world, all siblings would be able to be involved equally in the care of a sick parent. But if it was a perfect world the parent would not be sick.

It is not always possible for each sibling to be involved equally. There are several factors that may cause inherent inequality. These include but are not limited to, the location where each sibling lives as opposed to the parent, the family situation of each sibling, the availability of each sibling, and the strengths and weaknesses of each sibling.

Location: If a sibling lives across the country from their parent, most likely they will not be taking their parent to doctors’ appointments. That will fall on the siblings that live the closest. Maybe the sibling who lives across the country can help make sure that the parent’s finances are in order. This is made easier as many bills can be paid online and therefore that sibling would not handle the actual paper bill.

Siblings’ families: Maybe the sibling who lives the closest has small children that they need to attend to. The roles may reverse. Another sibling who lives further away may have to take their parent on doctor’s appointments. The sibling who lives the closest can take on other responsibilities, such as paperwork.

Availability: Any care that needs to be done has to be based on the availability of each sibling. Maybe siblings need to alternate in the care responsibilities.

Strengths and Weaknesses: Maybe a sibling does not know how to boil water but feels more at ease having discussions with the doctors. That sibling may not be involved in making home cooked meals for the parent but maybe they can be the point of contact for each doctor.      

It is very important for each sibling to be open and frank in discussions with each other as to what they can do to take part in the care of the parent. These discussions also need to include all aspects of the care that is actually being done. Maybe a sibling is on the phone every single day with medical insurers while at work but the other siblings think that sibling is not helping in a daily capacity at all because they had no idea about the phone calls. Dialogues between siblings need to be continuous. Family therapy sessions with a professional may be needed as a professional can help mediate if things get heated. All too often siblings harbor resentment towards each other silently when caring for a sick parent. There are then explosive words or actions towards each which are of no help to the family member that needs help, especially if it is done in front of the sick parent.

Taking care of a parent that is sick can be extremely stressful and time consuming. Siblings that can share in the responsibility of taking care of their parent even if the responsibilities are not divided equally can make for an easier time mentally, emotionally and physically on both the parent and siblings.

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