by Joyce M. George-Knight

Created on: September 20, 2010

 “Uh-huh. That’s nice.” We’ve all had this kind of response to something we’ve said. It’s annoying, since the person is obviously not tuned-in. If you were to ask the person what you just said, they couldn’t parrot it back. Why? They weren’t listening. What is the difference between talking and communicating in a relationship?

We all talk but we’re not all good communicators. To communicate is to engage another individual in a meaningful conversation. You must first have their interest and undivided attention. Therefore, it is best not to try to talk when they are already preoccupied. You may be able to ask if you could have a few minutes to converse when they are finished. This will gain you respect, in that you didn’t interrupt their activity or rest.

Eye contact is an important aspect of communication. If you look into the listener’s eyes and they have a spaced-out look, you know they aren’t focused on you. Bring them back to you. “What’s your opinion?” or “How would you do it differently” or ask some question for which a simple “yes” or “no” will not suffice. This will immediately draw the person back, perhaps a bit sheepishly. When they say the “eyes have it,” it’s so true. The eyes speak loudly.

Take for example, a conversation with someone whereby you make a positive suggestion. “You have amazing ability to envision an entirely redecorated room. You should be an interior decorator.” Perhaps that person never gave that career a thought but because you pointed out that strength, and the individual heard what you were saying, they followed your suggestion.

The late philosopher, Leo Buscaglia, once said, “The fact that I can plant a seed and it becomes a flower, share a bit of knowledge and it becomes another's, smile at someone and receive a smile in return, are to me continual spiritual exercises.” You can make a difference in the lives of others by how you communicate.

Truthful and positive statements are far better heard and received than are accusations and negative criticisms. Focus on a person’s better side to convey a message. “Before you know it, you will have that bill paid-up simply by making regular and timely payments.” It’s all in the manner in which we make suggestions.

Besides expressing our thoughts, communicating also means we have the obligation and ability to receive and listen to the ideas and experiences of the other party. After all, we will learn from them just as they will take away something from what we share.

How we vocalize our words also makes a difference. Are we monotone or do we put a little zip and inflection into them? Observe your reaction to speakers. Who are the people you could listen to for long periods of time, and who are the ones that lost you within a sentence or two? They are the ones who can talk but are not putting across their thoughts in a meaningful manner.

In order to deliver a heart-felt message in a relationship, try sending it with the love and concern with which you would like to receive the same message.

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