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Unjust Justice

I am overweight. My extra poundage is a result of a near fatal car accident, an under-performing Thyroid, Diabetes and to some degree, food. I know that if I totally stopped eating food, my problem would be solved. In fact, it would totally disappear.

I blame jeanetics to some degree. That is, the smaller sizes of jeans that make me feel guilty for being overweight. Guilt triggers anxiety, which in turn triggers eating, which in turn triggers guilt. See! I told you its all in the jeans! So the real blame lies with Levi Strauss and the GAP!

Funny thing about overweight men. They have no sympathy or pity for overweight woman! Some call it hypocrisy. I call it denial. You see, my wife is beautifully thin. When I see an overweight woman I know that if life were just, I would get what I deserve, which is an overweight woman!

This, of course, triggers guilt, which triggers anxiety, which triggers eating! Thus leading me to believe that the only way to overcome obesity is to go blind. Either way you win. What you don't see can't hurt you and what can hurt you you'll never see!

Another solution would be "virtual reality" goggles that allow you to see the real you, and everyone else as Levi Straus and the GAP would like you to be! When you drive by McDonalds you would see McVeggies. Wendys would become "Head Cheese".

The only problem is you would also need "Virtual Reality" smell inserts. A Big Mac would have to smell like liver, or old socks.... anyway, I digress.

Madame X was an older woman who some would consider "Big Boned". If, however, bones were the only issue, she must have descended from a full-size Brontosaurus. Or, possibly, a Ford Excursion. A Full Size Ford Excursion with an extended cab.

As was my habit, partly because I could not throw, and partly because I could not judge distances. I would pick the largest target with the highest probability of a "hit" in a snowball fight.

Thus, in strange quirk of fate, I either undrew the snowball (likely) or overthrew the target (unlikely) and pegged Madame X right upside the head. Even though I had experience with Baylogger bombs, I was totally unfamiliar with the mechanics of the common military mortar. Thus, I was unable to accurately calculate how to hit my intended trajectory (probably Dan or Ron Choolinka).

One of my other miscalculations had to do with the acceleration and speed of the common Brontosaurus. One of the gods other gifts to me had something to do with big feet that were lacking anything that

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