by LJ Innes

Created on: September 13, 2010   Last Updated: October 30, 2011

Welcome to my Mind.  I should probably post some sort of warning or disclaimer ahead of this article.  Something maybe about how I’m not responsible for those who choose to enter my mind, and how I have absolutely no instructions on how to get out once you’ve entered.  I personally am stuck here for a life sentence, so if anyone wants to keep me company, well then, welcome to my mind.  There are a few people I’ve met that have attempted entrance, and I’ve warned them to “get out of my head” while they can.  I vehemently urge everyone to get out before the steel door slams shut.  So far, I’ve received 100 percent cooperation.

People who think like me have to be funny, silly, and slightly sadistic.  I’ve been told “you’re evil” followed by a chuckle, many, many times.  At first, it angered me to hear that anyone would think I’m evil, but over time, I've learned to wear it like a badge of honor.  I think part of it comes from working with lawyers for so long.  The experience certainly has enabled my darker, cleverer side to emerge with the ease and grace of a machine gun wielding debutant.  It’s more of a survival tactic, though.  After so many years of practice at defensive, rapid-fire tongue twisting, it’s just become second nature.  I don’t put up with people who think they’re better than others, or me.  In fact, I usually respond to such behavior with a somewhat humoristic retaliation.  Often they’re left wondering if I’m being friendly, cute, or … well, a bitch.  For those whose lives I’ve touched in this way, the answer is simply, all of the above.  I pride myself on being controversial.

It might be a good time now to point out that while I think I’m hysterical, some people actually find me totally abrasive.  In my mind, I’m a regular riot.  You just cannot please everyone!  My taste in clothes is a direct reflection of the depths of my mind.  I tend to lean towards the all-black look, with an occasional sprinkle of white.  It suits my various moods and tells people I mean business.  On the rare occasion when my endorphins kick in, I might pull out a splash of color, but this only leads to unwanted comments, like “Oh!  Look at you!  You’re wearing color!”  I usually just

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