by Duncan Kelly

Created on: September 11, 2010   Last Updated: September 12, 2010

Facing Unfaithfulness In Your Marriage   .

I understand you have a heavy pain in your stomach that can't be eased. That you are feeling alone and bewildered. Wondering how he/she could have done this thing to you. Unable to comprehend why it happened to you. Questioning and second guessing yourself. All the while the spectre looms over you of a broken life, a broken marriage, a shattered family, a torn reputation; so many problems rushing at you. But stare the spectre down, and he will shrink. You can overcome him. Bit by bit, you can win. You can survive this affair and come out with most of your life intact, and slowly rebuild what was destroyed.

Right, let's get stuck in and fix this problem !

(This is just a simplified outline of the process..)

1.) Decide if you want to save your marriage or not. (say yes!)

2.) Tell your spouse you want to save your marriage, and ask them if they want to save the marriage too, or separate.

(About 65% of those in an affair want to save their marriage)

If the first two answers are yes, then:

3.) The affair must end right there and then. A clean break.

4.) Make a commitment to work together to rebuild the marriage.

5.) Make a commitment to build a positive attitude.

6.) Start work on the areas that have been damaged. These include such areas as honesty, truthfulness, respect, communication, friendship, forgiveness, anger, reassurance, trust, accountability, repentance (apology and cooperation) , confession, intimacy, bitterness and fears.

This is quite a big task, and it's a good idea to get some help. There are resources available to lead you in a step by step system though all these processes and emotional hurdles. With your feelings being so disturbed, it's better to have a plan you can follow, rather than just going it alone.

What a sad thing that these things happen, but it's no use asking why. It's better to forget what's gone, and concentrate on what you can do here and now to repair the damage and build defenses and checks to prevent it happening again.

And don't think God is against you or is punishing you. He's not like that. In His own words He says "I hate divorce....I hate it when one of you does such a cruel thing.." So He's by your side, and He will help you through it too. He invented marriage, and so He can make it work for you.

Lastly, remember that you are special and precious. Don't let this crisis make you think otherwise. Every person has talents and gifts and is needed in the world; you are able to make this world a better place. So be encouraged! Your happiness will return.

We'll be rooting for you, and praying for you.

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