by Christina Cimics

Created on: September 09, 2010

Having an alcoholic parent is very difficult, especially when that parent is your mother. Most of us grow up with an idea of what a mother should be, how they should act and re-act, how they should love and protect. Unfortunately, when we have a mother who is an alcoholic, those ideas are hard to comprehend.

An alcoholic is most often incapable of being a responsible and loving parent. It’s necessary to know that no one chooses to be an alcoholic; especially a mother. Alcoholism is a disease of the body, mind and spirit. And it affects everyone involved.

Enduring the abuse, pain, and fear is all too often agonizing for the child of an alcoholic mother. Coping with your mother’s alcoholism is a process that takes time and effort. It can be stressful and heart breaking. Whether you are young or old, it’s important to remember the three “C’s”.

1. You didn’t CAUSE it.

Nothing you did or have done is the cause of this disease that has a strong hold on your mother. It’s no one’s fault. She may blame you for the reasons she drinks, however, you must remember that it is NOT your fault. An alcoholic has a disease beyond their will power. Their ability to accept responsibility for their own actions is insufferable.

2. You can’t CONTROL it.

Since this disease is not your own, and your mother is an adult, you must realize that this is something beyond your control. Nothing you do will make a difference in an alcoholic. If the alcoholic can’t control it, neither can you.

It’s normal to have feelings of hopelessness and helplessness, knowing that you are NOT in control of the situation, and able to help someone who means so much to you. If you give up the need to control the situation or the alcoholic, then these feelings of despair will eventually decrease.

3. You can’t CHANGE it.

The only person that can change someone is that person themselves. Trying to change your alcoholic mother will only cause feelings of resentment and disappointment.

As a child of an alcoholic mother, it’s imperative that you learn all you can about the disease and to keep an open mind. Don’t allow yourself to become obsessed with their addiction. Sometimes it’s necessary to allow your mother to suffer the consequences of her dependency, whatever they may be. You may find yourself feeling as if you have switched roles. She is now the child and you are the mother. This too is a common feeling which harbors

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