by Jessica Kuzmier

Created on: September 04, 2010   Last Updated: June 02, 2011

Love is a funny thing.  Most people claim to want it.  They spend time pursuing it, wishing for it, planning for the day it arrives.  For many people though, love is fine as long as it is far away.  But once nearby, they do everything to sabotage it.  Love as a concept sounds great to them, but its arrival reality is a different thing. Why would anyone be afraid of love? 

It may be hard for those who grow up in relatively loving families, surrounded by supporting friends, to see people wreck something that seems so natural to them.  Maybe you have had someone fall in love with you, then suddenly disappear into the night just when things are going great.  It is a gender stereotype to talk about the man who won’t commit to a relationship, but the running cuts both ways.  Not to mention, a woman who finds herself constantly lamenting about how lover after lover won’t commit should probably sit down and consider how she may be using the cloak of victim to hide from her own commitment issues.  

There are lots of obstacles to even admitting one has this kind of fear.  For one, it may not be the kind of fear where a boy gets sweaty palms before asking a girl to dance.  It may not even seem like fear at all.  Sometimes, people who fear love get caught up in a cat and mouse chase, where neither person really grabs onto the other.  The participants are so caught up in the headiness of the game that whatever fear precipitated it has long been suppressed.  Fear?  What fear?  The chase is so exciting that it may even feel like some kind of love on caffeine.  It may not even feel like fear of commitment, because the excitement becomes an addiction.  This obsession may stand in as the real thing.  Needless to say, a trip to the couples’ counselor may just yield two people getting off on trumping each other’s melodrama.   

Other forms of denial may include not wanting to appear cold-hearted, or having low self-esteem.  If you admit being afraid of love, isn’t it possible you could be seen as an iceberg or a weakling?  Better not to admit you have the fear, even to yourself.  Except it isn’t better to stay in denial; secrets have a way of coming into the light.  No better way to blind the shadows of your soul than to fall madly in love, because most times it will take you by surprise.  It is deep enough

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>