by Deneice Arthurton

Created on: September 01, 2010

Depression is a cruel and indiscriminate illness. It can cause enormous suffering to both patient and those around him. Caring for some-one with depression is at best exhausting and at worst soul destroying. Watching some-one you love fade into a pale shadow of the person you once knew is in itself torment enough. To that can often be added financial worries brought about by loss of earnings, having to cope with sleepless nights or disturbances to sleep, constantly having to shield and reassure children or keeping relatives and friends up to date with the situation. There may be another ten, twenty or even a hundred other distressing things connected that have to be dealt with. There is little wonder then that the partner of a depressed person often feels at breaking point themselves and terribly alone.

Recovery from depression can be slow and inconstantly spaced so that it can feel like one step forward and two steps back. It is futile to suggest that any part of it will be a walk in the park but there are ways to make it a little less painful and more manageable.

Don't try and fix it.

If you start out believing you can mend your partner you will be setting yourself up to fail. This is not dependant on the strength of your love or how much resilience you have as a person but is dictated by the nature of the illness.

Don't be tempted to constantly chivvy up your partner. This can be anathema to a depressed person and at worst will make them retreat even further inside themselves and the illness; torn with guilt at their own inability and failure to respond to your efforts.

Take time for yourself

No matter how dependant your partner is on you it is incredibly important to have time away from the situation and the often cloying atmosphere of depression. Take time to do things where you don't have to talk about the situation at home. Coffee with friends, the cinema, sitting in the park with a book, whatever it takes to have time just for you. Don't feel guilty if you find yourself laughing and having fun, you have earned it. If you don't take time to recharge your own batteries you will be of very little use to your partner in the long run.

Learn about the illness

Whether this is through books, Internet resources, forums and support groups or professionals, teach yourself as much as you can about the nature of depression. It can help you deal with some of the confusion and resentment you may be feeling at your partner's behaviour and can often make you feel

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