by Lenna Gonya

Created on: August 29, 2010

Years ago, when gas prices were lower, it wasn’t uncommon for a few family members to pile into my full size conversion van and go on a short excursion that might last a couple of days. So when my mother-in-law and an eleven year old niece arrived for a visit, we decided to go and explore the caves of southern Ohio, and get in a little quality family vacation time.

My mother and two sons joined the group, so by the time we left, we had a van full. The problem with impromptu trips is that at the end of the day, you have to find a place to stay, and, the more people you have with you, the more opinions you have. After three or four rejected accommodations, it became apparent that, since it was getting dark, and we were in the hills, we had better find something fast.

It wasn’t a fancy motel, but it was clean and friendly. The problem was there was only one room, a large room with two queen sized beds, a recliner by the window, and the promise of a cot if we needed it. We took it.

By 10 PM, we had pretty much worked out the sleeping arrangements. Three of us in one bed, two in the other, and my oldest son would take the cot and a sleeping bag that we had brought with us. The room was stuffy, and we had turned on the air conditioner, which, it turned out, had one setting, arctic.

By 11 PM, my mother-in-law, who has mostly lived in California and loves arctic air conditioners, decided that she needed to sleep on the air conditioner side, but, she had had eye surgery, and couldn’t, under any circumstances, sleep next to the niece who thrashes in her sleep. After swapping beds all around, it was decided that I should sleep in between the mother-in-law and the niece to block the inevitable blows.

By 12:30 AM, my mother, who has always lived in the Midwest, and hates air conditioning, instructed my oldest son to turn the thing off, followed 30 minutes later by mother-in-law instructing him to turn it back on. Meanwhile, niece and my youngest son are sound asleep, and I have been hit in the nose twice.

By 1 AM, oldest son has given up trying to sleep on the cot. Since he is on air conditioner duty, he decides to sleep in the recliner by the window. The problem is that when you fall asleep, the recliner goes back to the upright position, catapulting you forward.

By 2 AM, everything seems fairly quiet, and I make my escape. Since the temperature is now about 30 degrees, I slip out of bed, creep across the floor, and onto the cot, after crawling into the sleeping bag and zipping it up.

By 4 AM, I realize three things. First, the air conditioner is off once again, and the temperature is somewhere around 90 degrees. Two, I have a severe cramp in my back from the cot. And three, I can’t get the zipper on the sleeping bag down. The last thing I wanted to do was to wake everyone up, so I struggled with the zipper, until I finally fell off the cot, and was able to crawl out of my cocoon.

By 5 AM, I am sitting outside on the motel porch with my third cup of coffee, waiting for the sun to rise, listening to the air conditioner alternately going on and off, and the expletives of my son, who has been thrust out of his makeshift bed for the fiftieth time.

Ah, there’s nothing quite like a family vacation.

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