by BlueDog

Created on: August 25, 2010

Divorce mediation is one option that many couples choose instead of going through the often adversarial and much more traditional court driven divorce process. Divorce mediation can be used in virtually all cases and situations; however when the family has a history of domestic violence, untreated mental health issues or any type of child abuse special precautions must be put in place.

Many states prevent mediation in families with domestic violence or child abuse while other states, such as Oklahoma, have specialized mediators that are approved by the family court system to facilitate these mediations. Canada allows mediation in domestic violence situations provided the abuse is not current and the parties have attended the appropriate intervention or counseling programs.

In most states in the United States family court judges have the option of court ordering mediation for the couple. In larger areas where judge's dockets are full, mediation is typically required in an attempt to minimize the number or cases that have to go before the court. If an agreement is reached in mediation it is entered as the divorce agreement and can include everything from division of property through to child support and access and visitation. Settlement in mediation is voluntary, which means if you can't agree you do still have the legal route.  

Mediation makes sense whenever the divorcing couple will be required to have ongoing interactions with each other. Typically this includes couples that have children as they will now go from being parents and spouses to being co-parents. As co-parents you will have to communicate for the children's health and well-being as well as for managing the family. The mediation can be a way to restructure thinking from a marital relationship to a co-parenting relationship, getting this new relationship off on a positive start. Guidelines for ongoing communication and interaction can be developed either formally or informally within the mediation session.  

Family and divorce mediators are trained professionals that often have a background in law, mental health, family counseling or social work as well as specialized mediation training. There are several models of mediation ranging from the evaluative model through to the facilitative and transformative models.

Evaluative mediators will evaluate each parent's perspective and provide information on how they would fare in a court situation. Evaluative mediators tend to be retired judges or family law attorneys. Facilitative mediators will focus on facilitating the discussion and keeping the individuals focused on resolution options. Transformative mediators focus on the change in the interaction and developing a workable settlement. All work toward enhancing communication and cooperation between the couple when children are involved.

The major benefit of mediation is that both the individuals and their legal representatives can create a divorce agreement that works. The mediator doesn't tell parties what to do and cannot force the participants into an agreement. Mediation in divorce cases is a confidential process which means that information discussed in the mediation or settlements offered or rejected cannot be discussed in any further legal hearings. This applies to the parties, the mediator and their legal representatives.

Choosing divorce mediation is highly recommended for most couples. It is important to read about mediation and also to know a bit about your mediator. Look for mediators that are credentialed or approved by the court in your area and spend some time becoming familiar with the process before deciding if it is right for your divorce.

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