by Nameless Guy

Created on: August 24, 2010

My dominantly unnatural sense of paranoia holds a barrier over my voice, over my conscience. And my conscience is now clouded and twisted, due to my excessive analyzing and overly-studious use of my own brain. I'll never speak what I want or how I feel. The part of myself I'm so set on ignoring, is almost always suspiring to say something. I sometimes feel like I'm bursting at my seams with desire, which I'm being driven crazy with trying to disregard. But why? I'm afraid of tending to my own (in this case) mental needs, because I have this perpetual obsession with limits.

You would think you'd get smarter when you work your brain. Maybe I did, but maybe you aren't supposed to strive yourself to understand the impossible, ultimately leaving the field of sanity. After all, there is a limit. To everything. Feeling, emotion, judgment, sense of awareness, sight, hearing, knowledge, ability, concentration, movement, remembrance, life, time, possibility, potentiality, et cetera... and I realized that more simple and broken-down things have limits too. People have limits. I don't want to push to people's limits. I can never know for sure how people will react to my in reality, constant desire for care and attention. It's natural to feel that way. I'm doing a very dangerous thing. I'm not only curious about this limit, but I'm meddling with it. Why is this so dangerous?
We are given certain limits of everything in our mind, and I suppose it would be wise to use my judgment to a certain extent, but I'm taking this risk, and I want so much to know how far I can push it. This is not a good thing. My small fascination has become a growing infatuation, and instead of occasionally wandering into my thoughts, it's a constant obsession. It's something that now affects my ability with everything. I'm driving myself mad, but yet I always seem to learn something new in the process, nonetheless increasing my fascination even more. When it affects my head, it leads to my daily way of life. That changes my future path. And see, this is why it's dangerous. Messing with something like this can change everything. For the worse. Or... just maybe... for the better?
Maybe I'm delusional. Maybe I'm not. Am I? That's a pretty simple question; one that I have no answer for. A question linked behind that, which part of my conscience is right? Am I right for being curious about life? Is this what "living life to the fullest" means? Opposite, is it true when they say ignorance is bliss? There's

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