by Barbara Combs Williams

Created on: August 24, 2010

It is not only rude to expect a "thank you" for an act of kindness, but it also takes something away from the act itself. It diminishes the act somewhat and tarnishes the shine. It is as if you want to be patted on the back for your good deed and publicly noted on the six o’clock news. Of course if you do something nice for someone it is only right that they recognize your act accordingly. But for you as the giver, the act of giving itself should be its own reward.

If you are the type of person who only acts when you are sure of praise and recognition for your deed then you are the type of person who really does not give from the heart. My mother always said that “one should give because you want to help that person not because you expect praise for your act.” I try to live by that simple belief and remember the golden rule - it is better to give than receive.

Any well-meaning act of kindness or gift should be rewarded by a thank you from the recipient of that gift. That is only right and in itself is not much to ask for. Who wouldn’t want someone to clasp your hands and whisper “thank you so much for …” as they hold back tears for that heartwarming whatever you did. I don’t expect that, but I would be happy to receive that after giving.  But that is not the reason for giving in the first place, is it?

Many times it is just not practical to get a “thank you” from your act of kindness. Many gifts to the needy are done en masse and the recipients never know who has given what. In times of major and horrific upheavals in our world, one can’t really expect someone to give a big shout out of thanks when they are trying to rebuild their home after an earthquake. Rude doesn’t adequately describe what you are, in this type of instance. If you are really expecting a “thank you” from that small community then maybe you shouldn’t have given it in the first place. Keep in mind that when able, these people will respond with a multitude of thanks and gratitude, but it won’t be face to face and it may take time to come.

I have been blessed in my life in so many ways that to try and number the blessings would have me counting away for days. To share my blessings with others does me more good than the recipients, in many cases. I give and do because I care for others and want to share what I have been blessed with. I don’t expect a “thank you” for my actions. I am just happy to be able to do it.

Is it rude to expect a thank you? Yes, it is, but more importantly it is just mean spirited, if a “thank you” was the only reason you did something in the first place.

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