by elizabeth m.

Created on: March 03, 2007   Last Updated: September 29, 2010

I am a single parent of young children. Raising even one child, with a loving and supportive partner, and in healthy financial circumstances, can be excruciatingly challenging. I am raising 3, alone, with no real child support to speak of, well under the poverty line. It has been so unspeakably stressful, and I have often lost my temper with my children.

I was raised by a single mother. She had to work very hard to take care of my sister and I, and it was very stressful for her. Not once did she ever try and contain herself when she would lose her temper. She was incredibly verbally and physically abusive, hitting and screaming at us almost every day, leaving plenty of marks. Once I accidentally sat on her glasses and broke them and she punched me as hard as she could in the back several times. My sister and I are grown, and she has never apologized.

It has not been easy to restrain myself from abusing my children, especially considering my background. But I do. I feel the rage that my mother apparently felt, I have been miles away from the end of my rope. I love my children with all my heart, and I never want them to hate me utterly the way I hate my mother still.
Children are our best teachers, they will test every limit that we never knew we had. We must respect them for that. However, they do need us to discipline them effectively, and there have been times when I have felt that spanking them is appropriate. My guidelines are that I NEVER spank in anger. When I lose my temper and even yell at my children sometimes, I always make sure that I step away from them and get myself under control first, before issuing any discipline. There have been times when timeouts and grounding just haven't cut it, and I have felt that spanking has motivated my children to modify their behavior appropriately. I always warn them several times that if they choose to act a certain way again, that they will get a spanking. Usually, it is the threat of a spanking that has the desired effect. I use spanking only as a last resort means to get their attention, NEVER TO HURT THEM.

I do not like spanking my children, I have spanked them only a handful of times in their life. I find that the best way of dealing with their misbehavior is simply by talking to them, and earning their trust, so that they will often tell me why they have misbehaved. Usually we are able to work things out then and there, with gentle words. I feel close to my children as a result, and it is the greatest blessing in my life. As for the stressful circumstances, I am of course, ever trying to remedy them. I am the one at fault for them, truly, not my children, and my children will not be punished for my faults.

Learn more about this author, elizabeth m..
Click here to send this author comments or questions.