by Thu Nguyen

Created on: August 23, 2010

Reaching my mid-30's, I have come to the point that children might not be a reality for my husband and myself. Instead, I don't look at it as a deflector, I look at it more as an opportunity to better myself in what it is I can do. Yet, I find that around me, women are insisting I have a young one to have and to hold and will not take 'No, I’m not ready yet.'

It bothers me sometimes because I then begin to feel like I'd made a bad choice for choosing not to have a family now. Instead, my husband and I are still getting to know each other in our young marriage. We've agree to that sustain it, priorities with rational thinking must come first. Having a family will throw that out the window.

On the other hand, I've even thought about the extreme with the possibility of not ever having a child. Did it bother me? Yes, but I’ve came to a conclusion that there's never a time you're ready. You either want a child now or you don't. With that, I have to give up traveling, sleeping in late and leaving the dishes in the sink. There are more bits of moments which I enjoy the silence of but I won't name them here.

However, there's a conditioning that comes with rearing a family and even though I know that I can do it, I just don't have the heart to as I'm quite affixed on the development of my self. Is that wrong? I only believe in values which I'm capable of performing. So if I’m not doing my best, I won’t have confidence to try.

Both my husband and I have talked this over. With modern society, children are a liability and with that comes financial responsibility. Their life is now your responsibility for better or worse. That's what marriage is meant to produce. However, that’s the old way of looking at it.

I do believe there's another type of family. Ones with animals and a passionate interest of which you are a team with. That’s because wherever you may go, there is a certain family which you belong to and it doesn't necessarily mean you'll have to sacrifice the true meaning of family, you just don't have one to run home and tend to.

The modern lifestyle in particular with speed and expenses being prominent, it is smarter to work on a career. Down the line, perhaps a family might do. Only now, it's just not in the stars for me. Thus, I findworking on myself for the moment overrides any of my intention for a family. Besides, I can practice being an auntie which seems to be more challenging.

I can be the bad fruit and yet be a crutch to the parents when they need me to help out. I don’t mind that at all. It’s just that child-rearing is not for me. With that, career is.

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