by Mandy Cohen

Created on: August 22, 2010   Last Updated: August 23, 2010

Vampires Suck was one of those movies that you either love or hate. There's no "I liked it" or "It was okay". Personally, I loved it, probably because the Twilight craze has been getting on my nerves. (Twilight was okay, the teenage fangirls are frightening. But that's another issue.) I was thrilled to see the movie, and had very high expectations from the previews when I walked into the theatre wearing my "And then Buffy staked Edward. The end." shirt. The movie exceeded my expectations.

Whether it was because I attended a matinee or because the majority of teenagers don't want to see their precious Edward mocked, I do not know, but the theatre was nearly empty. There were five other people, my two friends, and me.  The movie started off like the countless spoofs on YouTube. "Becca" moves to "Sporks". It was during the car ride when her father made a comment about how she was growing up, then added "Seriously, look at those tits" that it started veering more towards original. 

The movie managed to smash up the plots of Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse and gave spoilers for Breaking Dawn all in an hour and a half. They also packed in several popular culture references that, though possibly a little dated, were still hilarious. For instance, Becca thought that Edward Sullen was a Jonas Brother because he is pale, dresses fashionably, and abstains from sex. One of my favorite parts was when Buffy appeared for a whole two seconds. I would have loved her to stay longer, but the way it was done was brilliant. The only sad part? She had to wear a shirt that said "Buffy", probably so people would know who she was. 

What I loved about this movie was how it brought in the common complaints people have about the Twilight Saga. Becca's dad mentions something about her twitching a lot, which I have said countless times about the actress who plays Bella in the Twilight movies. Jacob White apparently has to take his shirt off every few minutes because it's "in his contract". Also, it highlights oddities not just about Twilight, but about teenage fads in general, by exaggerating them. I thought this was actually really insightful and said a lot about teenage culture, but I may have read too much into it. 

A downside to this movie was that I don't feel its rating was completely accurate. Though it was rated PG 13, it was full of crude and sometimes downright offensive material that I think could warrant an R rating. If I had a 13 year old, I wouldn't want him to see this movie. As someone who is older than 13, I found all of the sexual humor quite amusing. At one point, Edward has a disco ball between his legs. Becca's dad has a "doll" because it's "been lonely since your mom left". When Becca was being attacked by another vampire, Edward loudly yelled that this was breaking the bro code because "You don't eat another guy's girlfriend right after he breaks up with her!" This was all funny, of course, but probably more R than PG 13. 

Overall, the movie did its job. It successfully mocked the teenage obsession with vampires without being overly cruel. It made several jokes, references, and sarcastic comments, but not so many that it became obnoxious to the viewers. And, actually, the humor was so good that I would love to buy it on DVD and re-watch it several times. In letter grades, this movie definitely deserves an A.

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