by Carmel Brulez

Created on: August 18, 2010   Last Updated: August 20, 2010

In my many years as an agony aunt and relationship expert I often spoke to clients about the idea of love at first sight.  Some of them insisted that they had experienced it,  and it was often why they were in a confused, sad and upset state!  It is interesting to note that it was usually men who insisted that they had experienced it rather than women, and usually young men.When you then ask them what they mean by love and get them to elaborate on what they mean  they talk about how the woman they fell in love with at first sight had beautiful hair, eyes, a figure to die for etc.

As men are more visual than women and can be more emotionally detached, certainly when they are not in a relationship with the person, it figures that the person's looks will mean a lot to them. Where they maybe go wrong is to assume that because they like her looks and feel a fancy for the woman, or lust after her, that is love.   Quite often they say they have fallen in love with a woman but then afterwards they find out that she is a liar, a cheat, a user, a sponger, a drug taker or has some sort of serious problem that would put most people off of being involved with her.

However, we have to ask what love is.  If love is a yearning for someone and a desire to be with them and wishing to be with them when apart it makes sense to way that seeing someone you do not know and then having a yearning to be with them is love.  Perhaps we have to remember that there is love and then there is deep, true love which is based not only on looks but also compatibility, having similar values and goals, similar lifestyles and having things in common.

Love at first sight does exist but it depends on which type of love we are talking about.  If it is an infatuation, a crush, something which is more physical and which may well burn itself out or not prove itself to be worth the bother,   or a more meaningful and special love which is grounded and more likely to last.  There will always be exceptions and there will always be people who see one another, feel that instant attraction, call it love, and are still together in fifty years' time,  but from what I have seen they are the rare exceptions.  And we have no way of knowing WHY they are still together,  it may not be because of love.

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