by Carole Ligi

Created on: August 18, 2010

There should be one single goal in life and that is for parents to raise loving, well-adjusted and competent children.  The majority of their own parents want the same goal for their grandchildren.

Grandparents are there for love and support.  If one set of in-laws are constantly interfering with the parenting abilities of the parents then the best course is for their own child to talk with them about why the parents do things a certain way while at the same time ensuring that the grandparents are wanted to be included in the grandchildren’s’ lives.  Open communication normally resolves any potential conflicts.

But when grandparents, even if it is well-intentioned, interfere where it may be detrimental to the well-being of the grandchildren and are constantly trying to contradict the parents in how they raise their children then the parents need to step in and take steps to establish who is in charge of raising the grandchildren.  Children need limits and security.  They need to know what to expect and trust all the adults that they are around and if the adults are constantly in conflict then it confuses and may make the children insecure.

If, for whatever reason, the spouse does not want to talk to his or her parents about their interference then the other spouse needs to take charge.  Being a parent is not a popularity contest with either children or the grandparents.

But on occasion, conflicts do arise about the best method to raise the grandchildren.  Normally it is simply a  matter of different parenting styles. These styles could include from appropriate bedtimes, to when to date, to even what styles of clothes they are allowed to wear.  That can often be resolved with open communication or simply not worrying about it.  If the children are allowed to go to bed one hour later when they are visiting Grandma and Grandpa for the night it is not a big deal and will not destroy their entire future.

But there are times when parents need to firmly establish the limits. Examples could include the types of food that the child eats.  The parents have the most knowledge about any food allergies and if Grandma insists on feeding the grandchild peanut butter when the child is allergic to peanuts then there is a problem that could affect the child’s health.  Also, if the grandparents smoke and the parents do not want their children exposed to smoke could cause reasons for concern. 

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