by Rose Calder

Created on: August 16, 2010   Last Updated: August 18, 2010

If you are in any kind of an intimate relationship, infidelity is not to be accepted nor tolerated in a partner.  To say otherwise is to go against the very nature of what it is to be in a relationship.

The foundation of a romantic relationship is built upon many things, chief among them being honesty and loyalty.  Sure, there is also initial physical attraction as well as those warm fuzzies, but the absence of those two things will never help build anything even remotely close to a stable, healthy relationship.  If one person engages in lies and betrayal, that deals a devastating blow to the foundation and we all know what happens when your foundation falls apart: the whole edifice collapses.

Think about it; if you were to discover that your best friend had been deceiving you, how do you think your friendship would fare?  It might not completely fall apart, but it's a safe bet to say that you probably wouldn't trust them any farther than you could personally throw them.  So why should it be any different when it comes to a romantic partner?

There is also the matter of boundaries.   Whether it's casual or committed, it is inevitable that there will be a discussion between all involved about what it is that both partners want in a relationship, and it is during such conversations that boundaries are drawn, such as whether or not people want to see other people and the like.  This is not to say that these lines may remain permanent, but if a person's needs within a relationship should start to change, that is something to be discussed with their significant other and something they should definitely do before engaging in behavior that goes against their agreed arrangement.  There is no excuse for setting up the rules and then breaking them by means of deception, other than laziness, disrespect or flat-out cowardice.

Mind you, this does not just apply to traditional committed relationships, such as "going steady" or monogamous married folk; this applies to people who engage in open relationships, swingers and participants in polyamory.  These relationships rely just as much upon mutual honesty and loyalty as any traditional relationship, if not more so (hey; the more variables you've got in the mix, the more important it is that everyone follow the rules.)  It doesn't matter if the relationship involves two, three, four or more; if someone is stepping out on the relationship, that is a betrayal of the boundaries of the arrangement.

Just like anything else in life, relationships have rules.  They may not be the same across the board, but the fact remains that there are still rules and if someone breaks them, there will be consequences.  To engage in infidelity is to break the rules, and it should no more be acceptable than a rabid dog should be accepted in your yard.

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