by Lori Buttermark

Created on: August 16, 2010

Jerry Springer once said, “We can divorce a spouse, but cannot divorce a child; hence, “that which does not kill us, makes us stronger” – sometimes easier said than done.

Parental commitment is eternal. We watch that baby say its first words, take its first step and, eventually, throw its first temper tantrum. The tantrum wasn’t cute then and certainly became less appreciated as this small, adorable human somehow developed into a “teenage rebel” without a cause.

Teenagers who are reared in a positive, loving and structured family environment, still face peer pressure. Body piercing, tattoos, smoking, drug abuse, theft, even random muggings or beating of an innocent passerby “on a dare”, which translates into the crowd “initiation of acceptance”, a sick concept of showing independence and power, not realizing it can and will have a bad ending.

Punitive measures, such as taking away their cell phones, no TV, not seeing their friend for a few days or a week is not the way to affirm parental authority as “lesson learned”.

While a “time-out” may work for smaller children, teenagers live in the express lane. They need to be slowed down and pulled over, but without the yelling.

Determine which parent the teenager relates to best.  Now suggest a one-on-one, heart-to-heart over a burger ‘n’ fries or a pizza at their choice of venue.  Keep an open-mind and preface the “rap-session” by ensuring that good, bad or indifferent you are there for them. Share your own experiences as a teenager and how you understand that today’s generation faces a competitive and unforgiving society. You’ve extended the olive branch.  Chances are they may share what’s bothering them OR NOT.  You have proven yourself a willing listener; hence, nothing has been lost.     

On the flipside, the rebellious teenager might be the product of a non-structured family environment whereby alcohol and drugs are the way of life, while theft is the sole means of survival. The rebellious teenager is seldom home, finds solace in joining and hanging out with the town “rebels” OR, just might take the high road, seek refuge in a friend’s or classmate's home, observing their mode of a normal, happy and healthy environment; hence, desire the same lifestyle for themselves and their family, but not know how to make it a reality.   

Whether our teenagers are great or, fall by the wayside short-term/ long-term, parents need to be aware and recognize the RED FLAG of teenage rebellion.

 Keeping teenagers in check is the Mother of Commitment, but, in the long run, they will thank you and that, alone, is PRICELESS!

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