by Jen M. Hernandez

Created on: August 14, 2010

The downside to child rearing is that there is no guarantee that instructing your child in any one particular way will yield a specific result.  The reason for this is that our children have personalities of their own, and they may perceive something you say to them differently than a sibling or peer.

In other words, there is no “right” answer. But raising a child well consists of molding their values, morals and limits so that once they have reached adulthood they are responsible, accountable, and capable of fending for themselves. So, that when they do meet a crossroads, as they will tend to so many times in their lives, they will make a decision that is right for them.

To teach a child to make good decisions is an imperative lesson, but how should you go about it?

Certainly, the answer to that is to lead by example. I realize how entirely cliché that sounds, but I do mean it quite literally. The most difficult war we wage with ourselves in parenthood is when to impart our own knowledge and experience (and, perhaps, keep our children from pain or heartache, or legal liability), and when to allow our children to learn these lessons on their own.

If for fear of their ineptitude or incurring pain we never allow them to make their own decisions, they will be worse off. Firstly, your child may rebel, making decisions without your knowledge, which will almost certainly result in more mistakes and sever the trust and communication (also essential to raising a child well) you have worked so hard to build.

No “good” parents wants to watch their child suffer, but sometimes it is necessary. You will never be able to teach your child what a broken heart is without their experiencing it. And you may try your very hardest to avoid it, but at some point it will be broken. It will shake your very core. It will break your own heart. But, this is a good lesson for your child to learn on his or her own.

It’s important to trust that the values you’ve instilled in your child will guide them in making the best choices. Don’t undermine your child. A child is better equipped to make good choices when they’ve gained support from their family, so boost your child’s confidence.

Finally, when you feel a decision may be too mature for your child to make on their own, allow them to become a part of your thought process. Tell them why you think one choice may be better for them than another. Talk it out. Practice also has a direct correlation to confidence building.

Whether or not you believe it, children do strive to make their parents proud. Openly discussing options, and instructing your child in how to make good decisions will give him or her a more direct understanding of what will allow them to achieve that.

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