by Ann Hinds

Created on: August 11, 2010

He just walked in wearing a long t-shirt and nothing else. In each hand, he held a cup for the athletic supporter. He then asked me which one he should wear and proceeded to model them for me. I asked which one fit better so he tried them out again. “They both fit good”, he said. “Then, for goodness sakes, pick one and get ready for the game”, was my reply.

I have had my fill of little boys and their private parts. I am tired of being asked to scratch his butt. “But grandma, you used to scratch my butt”, he said. “You're nine”, I tell him. “Your butt isn't as cute as it was when you were two.”

This is the second time around. I raised his dad and his uncle and now I am raising him. Having only raised boys, I am used to boy body parts and boy humor. It is not helpful that my husband is part of the conspiracy to make each day sink to the lowest form of humor.

How does one survive in a world full of farts and other boy humor? When you get to the age where you have already raised your children and are now raising another generation, you have to sink to their level to survive. Keeping in mind that I already know that this will be posted, I will strive to be as insightful as possible without actually being gross. It occurs to me that it is quite possible that I no longer have that ability.

I have never understood why farting is funny. They laugh at the sounds, they laugh at the smell and they think that when it follows them from room to room, it is even funnier. I often tell my grandson not to aim his butt at me but he thinks that is funny too. His grandfather will blame the cat.

Why are man boobs funny? Why is it okay to adjust private parts in public? “Grandma, it just not comfortable”, he tells me. Why does he think that it is not necessary to get dressed after a shower and will come in to impart some important information? Quite frankly, little or big, male body parts lose their magic.

There are some times when I win. Again, during another conversation about growing up I did tell him that eventually the parts would grow. He looked at me with a horrified expression and said, “Grandma, can I talk about this with Grandpa?”  But, am I winning?

When he stops talking about it with me, the age of innocence will be gone forever. So today when he laughs again over another fart, I will tell him to knock it off. I will secretly smile because at least for today, he is still my baby, body parts and all.  

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