by Elaine M. Doxie

Created on: August 11, 2010   Last Updated: August 29, 2010

Misery loves company.  When your partner is depressed, it can be pretty depressing for you, too.  In order to cope, you need to come up with strategies not only to get help for your partner, but to cope with it yourself.  This isn't always easy, however in the end, it can help bring the two of you closer, because your will overcome your partner's depression together.

The most important thing to remember is that whatever you do, do not blame yourself.  It is rare that it is anyone's fault at all.  It depends on what kind of depression it is whether anyone else is to blame.  Some depression is triggered by events in a person's life.  Some depression is triggered by hormonal changes, such as postpartum depression.  Then there is chronic depression which has no apparent cause and may come and go through the years.

If the depression is event triggered, this is the easiest one to deal with.  Losing loved ones and divorce are both things that may trigger depression.  If your partner has lost someone they love, whether it is a parent, sibling, or child, they will probably go through a period of depression.  With this kind of depression, just be there for them, and let yourself be a shoulder to cry on.  This is the best way to handle this situation.  Presumably, they will be over a divorce before they are with you, but if their ex refuses to leave them alone and keeps taking them back to court over one thing or another, each summons back to court is likely to trigger a new bout with depression.  Again, just be there for them.  Let them vent about their ex if necessary, which it probably will be under the circumstances, and remind them that they're with you now, and don't have to worry about their ex.

The hormonal depression can be a bit harder to deal with.  It usually happens to women, due to the changes that come with pregnancy.  Men are ill-equipped to handle it because at it's worst, it can rival bipolar disorder for the problems it causes.  The best that most men can do is to love their woman through it and constantly reassure her that he loves her.  Most women will respond to this. although not necessarily right away every time.

Chronic depression is the hardest to live with.  It's possible that your partner was going through a period at the beginning of your relationship that wasn't too bad, and so you had no idea what was to come. 

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