by Shirley J Smith

Created on: August 11, 2010   Last Updated: August 12, 2010

As we get older, and our parents get older, chances are we will encounter Alzheimer’s disease or dementia.  We may think we know what it involves and how it affects people, but until we experience it for ourselves, we are totally unprepared. 

Not all Alzheimer’s patients act the same and the disease affects everyone differently. The scenario I will discuss is probably the most emotionally devastating. 

Both of these ailments develop gradually, so they are barely noticed until one day you realize—I don’t even know this person. The loving parent that you loved with all your heart has suddenly turned into a raging, screaming, cussing, violent, abusive stranger. Or they don’t know who you are and continually call you by someone else’s name. 

There is a ton of information available to help you learn how to take care of them.  The one thing that no one tells you is how to deal with what you feel. 

Most people, upon finding themselves in this situation, don’t know what to do. They try to ignore it, seek help in the medical field, and cry a million tears.  Taking care of an Alzheimer's patient is difficult, at best, but the one thing that is most difficult to deal with is our feelings. 

The person we have loved, have asked advice of and shared our life with is now calling us the most vile names, throwing things at us, attacking us verbally and physically. We are having trouble loving them or forgiving them. 

You have been taught all your life that you should honor your parents and for most of us, that wasn’t difficult to do-until now.  Now, not only are you having trouble loving Mom/Dad, but you have the guilt caused by your own feelings. You also feel anger for having been placed in this situation. 

So, how do you go on and what do you do. First, get Mom/Dad to the doctor and get as much help as you can. Medication for their mood and personality is readily available and will help the situation immensely. Also, get help in caring for them. If you feel that you can keep them at home and care for them, you will need some help.  Ask the doctor about available assistance for giving baths, medication, therapy and any other help he knows of. Next, if money allows, call an agency and arrange for someone to come in and sit 1 or 2 days a week. 

Above all, do not feel guilty about getting someone to sit with your parent. You not only deserve, but require a break from

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>