by Alissa King

Created on: March 03, 2007   Last Updated: May 11, 2007

It always kind of freaks me out, the God thing. My whole adult life I've been what I like to call "spiritual but not religious". I hesitate to dub myself Christian. I'm a big fan of Jesus but not a huge fan of some of the followers who call themselves by his name. I would best describe my religious outlook as "Just looking around." I have endeavored to keep an open mind when contemplating the existence of God.

At thirty years of age, the existence of God is a certainty in my heart. I have said prayers throughout my life. I say prayers when I am in fear or anxiety, and I try to say an equal number of prayers in gratitude and thanksgiving. In time, my prayers have all been answered. All of them. They are not always answered in the way I expect or desire, sometimes my prayers are responded to in ways I had not thought of. God, Allah, the Creator, whomever I am addressing has, to my mind, an excellent sense of humor. God sees my weaknesses and contradictions more clearly than any psychologist ever could. No matter how my prayers are answered, it always sort of shocks me to know first hand that there is more to life than we directly encounter.

We get kind of comfortable with our autonomy here on terra firma, so it's a little unnerving when you get those clear messages that someone is listening and watching your life. Having one's prayers answered is both deeply comforting and completely mess-up-your-head mind-boggling. If there is a God, well, the implications are so deep and so far reaching that, despite the fact that I sort of knew it all along, I can only be astounded. That brings substance to 'right' and 'wrong'; that brings relevance and meaning (no matter how cryptic and difficult to see with our limited vision) to this whole project known as 'life' that we have all wound up participating in. Birth isn't democratic, so to be born in a world with a God means that each life has meaning, possibly even purpose. We've all been called to the table. Now why? Why have we been called? It's exciting, isn't it? And overwhelming, and if you try and focus on all those concepts and ideas, it's tempting to turn on the television and become a little less conscious of your real and accountable life. But shake that temptation and be present for a little while, present in a very real universe.

When I have felt the need of something beyond the limited reach of my own humble existence, I have from time to time taken a moment to simply consider the stars. The reality of those zillion lights gleaming outside the reach of my habitable sphere have always filled my heart with a wonderful security. This much could not be an accident, this much could not exist for the mere continuation of varied species in a finite biosphere. Days can pass before I actually stop and look, but when I do, there they are: The stars; and these soft, certain lights in the darkness speak directly to me in a voice that knows the presence of God. There is a marvelous, mighty cosmos, and I am but a grain of sand, held in the benevolent palm of the Creator's hand.

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