by just another voice

Created on: August 10, 2010

I think Jodie knows just what she's doing.  I see her smiling (or should I call it sneering) at me when Mother gives her hugs or kisses.  Or when she gets the new things and I get  hand-me-downs.  I think she secretly enjoys watching my disappointment, sadness and envy.   Whenever I ask why I can't have the new toy, skirt, magazine etc., Mother says "Now, girls, don't fight.  Sisters should get along and love each other".   I don't bother to ask about the hugs and kisses.

After watching Jodie receive yet another gift or word of praise, I sit quietly and wish either I were her or more spitefully that she were me.  Maybe then I wouldn't catch the secret grin she always shows me when Mother isn't looking.  Maybe then she would feel the glaring favoritism expressed by Mother.  Maybe then I'd finally get the present, accolade or even a hug or kiss from Mother. Maybe then she'd understand how it hurts me.

Though Jodie is my twin sister, I know both she and Mother treat me differently than they did six months ago. Daddy was still her then.   If only we could go back to that time six months ago before we went to the Caribbean for vacation.  Back to the time before Daddy drowned trying to save me because I couldn't swim.  If Daddy were still here we would all still be one big, happy family. 

Mother and Jodie wouldn't resent me for being responsible for Daddy's death.  I wouldn't resent Jodie for receiving all Mother's attention or resent Mother for giving it to her.  Most of all I wouldn't resent myself for causing the death of the one person who always treated me fairly.  And I wouldn't resent the fact that I secretly wished it were me who drowned instead of him.

Learn more about this author, just another voice.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.