by Jeff Charlebois

Created on: August 06, 2010

There’s some talk around town. It’s very scary chatter. They say it’s coming and will be here before we know it. I don’t want to alarm you but… the end of the world is just around the corner. I know. Isn’t it exciting?

The good thing is we have an exact date.  Dec 21, 2012. That’s according to the Mayans, who supposedly kept the most accurate calendar in the history of man. (Yes, even more accurate than the Quartzmen or the Timex tribe of Bolo.)  According to the Mayans the earth will enter the region of space equilateral plane of the Milky Way Galaxy. Nobody knows what calamity will happen when we plunge into this highly energized plane. We could blow up. Or we might not be able to pick up AM radio stations. I say, prepare for the worst. At least we have fair warning about when we should stock up on bread, toilet paper and Skittles. I’m going to get the essentials in 2011 just to beat the crowd.

Since the beginning of time, people having always been claiming the world is going to end. Over the years, I have certainly heard a slew (or is gaggle?) of preachers spreading the dire warning. They say things like, we have angered God, and according to the scriptures we’ll all be dead by next Tuesday. Of course, the only way to prevent the impending doom is to give them money. After next Tuesday rolls around and we’ve only received a smattering of light showers, the preacher assures us that we pleased God with the money giving. We become elated, only to find out from the preacher a few months later that God’s on a tear and looking to end the world again. Damn, where’s my checkbook!

I’ve been through a rain storm, black out, riot, hurricane and countless bad movies, but having never gone through the end of world, I haven’t a clue what to do. Should I pack? Turn down the thermostat? Cut the yard? Oh, and what do I wear? I don’t know what’s “in” in heaven. Oh my God, who would I get to feed my cats, Olaf and Pepper? I guess I’ll just leave an extra full bowl of Frisky Bits so they don’t eat each other. (There’s nothing more disgusting than [i]cat[i]-nibalism.) Hopefully they understand the art of rationing.

I really wish I knew if this end of the world thing is for real. I don’t know if my heart can handle another Y2K-type of let down. Was that a great excuse to party or what? Folks were celebrating all around the world in

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