by VK Freelance

Created on: August 04, 2010   Last Updated: August 05, 2010

Love is one of the absolute enigmas of the human condition. No one can ever claim to truly explain it, nor understand its wily ways, yet we all do it, we all need it, and we spend our life seeking it.

The qualities of love are never easily defined, there is no real list that tells us when we are in love, but there are factors we can look for in relationships which can be obvious warning signs of an obsession.

WARNING SIGNS:

- You or your partner have to know where the other is, all day every day

- You or your partner leave endless messages, texts or emails, every hour until they reply

- Your partner tells you not to show up at their work, and you do anyway

- You or your partner calls and arrives at all hours, even in the middle of the night

- You or your partner spend hours searching your past online, or asking family to find out personal information about you

- You or your partner is obsessed with discovering every moment of the other’s past, even contacting old partners

- You or your partner become angry when the other tries to spend time apart

- You or your partner follow the other around, or stalk them when not together

- You or your partner is obsessed with making the other commit, even after only a short time together

- You or your partner need to spend every moment together

All these signs should set off alarm bells in your relationship, but what should you look for to know it is the real thing?

SIGNS OF LOVE

- You and your partner should trust each other to discuss your pasts

- You and your partner should be able to spend time apart, and while you may miss each other, you don’t obsess about what the other is doing

- You should feel secure in your trust of your partner, to know they will remain faithful

- Commitment should not go above happiness, for you or your partner. If one is unhappy, it is truly loving to allow them to leave.

- The relationship should develop naturally

- You will feel comfortable in each other’s company

- You shouldn’t need to make small talk

It is hard to remember that love is always difficult, there will always be trials and tribulations and arguments, but if your love crosses the line into obsession, then it has crossed the line to unhappiness. It may be time to move on. 

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