by Jude Coyle

Created on: August 04, 2010

I don't care for the scandal rags, and I really don't care which stars are cheating on their mates, or if someone saw the devil's face is the dust from the planned implosion of a casino on the Vegas Strip. Still, when waiting in line at the grocery store, I can't help but read the headlines. There's brand new diets that promise to see you into that bathing suit you haven't worn in three years, and there's a recipe for key lime pie that won't add weight to your already mammoth hips. Then there's the headline screaming that Oprah and best buddy Gayle got into a screaming match about what to have for lunch the last time Gayle appeared on the show. They may never talk again. Well at least not until the writer goes looking for another Oprah story. Doctor Phil and Robin are going to split up once again. This time it's because a groupie caught him off guard as he and his beloved tried to dine out in peace. Brad and Angelina are to adopt one more child. Oh, and this one is from Greenland. It's a poignant story really. The baby's Mom and Dad were washed away when a great big glacier collapsed because of global warming. It strikes me each and every time how big the gossip industry is, and that there are actually people, like me, who are enthralled with each and every tidbit. 

Now, truthfully, reading headlines helps to take my mind off the fact that the woman in front of me is wearing two different colored socks with her flip flops, or even that the man in front of her has toilet paper stuck to his shoe.

Waiting in line at the bank is a different matter. First off I'm self conscious about how much I have to do and if my paperwork is filled out properly. I make sure that I've taken my driver's license out of my wallet because I know the teller will ask to see it. All the time I can hear my husband in my head when he waits in line at the drive through window. Chance are he's raging that the person in front of us is an idiot and is taking way too long. Now I'm concerned that the person behind me will think like that if I'm not ready. If I'm standing in line inside the bank rather than in the drive-through, the same thoughts cross my mind, but then so does the need to check my shoe for toilet paper. 

Waiting in line at the local Dairy Queen was a nightmare once upon a time. I used to worry that there weren't enough napkins in the world to clean my kids up after they dribbled melted soft serve all over themselves. These days I watch the parents and the children

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