by Alexa J.K.

Created on: August 04, 2010

This memoir is currently happening in my life. Even as I start to type this out, my eyes swell with the first drops of tears about to fall down my face. I sometimes sit and wonder, what happened? Where did it all go wrong? What did I do wrong? Yet, here I am - I stay because of a small piece of hope in my broken heart.

I've been married almost 4 years now, I have a wonderful son with my husband. In the beginning, everything was wonderful - as with anyone, it's always wonderful during the first year or so. Everything seemed to change once I found out I was pregnant.

He's never really had a long relationship, most turned out to be a one nighter. Maybe that was my first sign, I didn't see that as a problem. He told me once that I came off strong. I wonder if maybe he was right. I wondered about our sex life - it didn't happen as often as many of my past relationships had - during the beginning anyway. I questioned if I was doing something wrong. My fault that I never brought it up. I learned that he seemed to prefer doing it himself. With almost all of my past relationships, masturbating always led to cheating. I cried that night, wondering if I should have an abortion, wondering if I should leave now, but I didn't. I let it go and moved on.

Throughout my pregnancy, he started playing World of Warcraft. I almost left him. That game was all he thought about. I'd wake up in the morning to see him playing, I'd go to bed and he'd still be playing. He did work, but when he was at home, he was drinking and playing WoW. I had gestational diabetes starting from my 7th month of pregnancy. I had to go for walks after every meal. I was huge - I had gained almost 70 pounds by the end of my pregnancy, walking, sitting up, getting out of bed were all very difficult. Throughout all that, I remember of only one time - one time that he took me to a park to go for a nice walk. After I had my son, he continued to play until I finally snapped and told him I was going to leave.

When we first got together, we were both unemployed throughout the summer, we just enjoyed each other's company and drank a lot of beer. We must have drank everyday. One evening he sat me down and told me that he was an alcoholic. At that time, and out of my own stupidity, I didn't take him seriously. I am deeply regretting it now. I've managed to get him to drink only on the weekends, but even that doesn't seem to last. I've tried fighting with him, talking with him, and compromising, but nothing

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>