by Amanda Piper

Created on: March 02, 2007   Last Updated: April 23, 2007

The choice to forgive a cheating husband is a personal one, which relies on many factors. Each factor must be carefully reviewed while debating this difficult decision. Somethings you'll want to ask yourself are: Why did he do it?; How do I feel about it?; Is it worth forgiving him?; What will I do if it happens again?.

Why did he do it?: Men cheat for many reasons. Some are addicted to sex, just as you would be addicted to gambling or drinking. It is a sickness that requires psychological counseling. Perhaps he cheated because the marriage was getting dull, maybe you'd even separated. Possibly it was just the result of having too much to drink during a night out with his buddies.

How do I feel about it?: Well obviously you're hurt, angry, disappointed. You may be thinking that no excuse he could give you is good enough. You may even have an overwhelming desire to inflict pain on him. What you really need to think about is whether or not you can live with it. Will you be able to move past it if you forgive him, or will the feelings constantly haunt you, forcing you to bring up the incident during every fight and argument from here on out?
Is it worth forgiving him?: Perhaps you are debating this decision solely on the fact you have children together and don't want to break up their family. Is the pain and suffering of his actions worth the benefits of not leaving him? Many experts debate the subject of staying together just for the sake of children, both having good points. Figure out what it is making you want to forgive him, and decide if it is really worth it. You may discover the only reason you wish to forgive him is the fear of having to start over. However starting over will allow you to keep your dignity and self respect intact, where as a cheating husband will only cause you to lose your self esteem. Is he worth that?
What will I do if it happens again?: For some men, making the mistake of cheating once is more than enough. They will never do it again as they don't want to jeopardize their marriage. However there are some men who will take advantage of your forgiveness. Like children they will push their boundaries and see how far you will let them go. If you choose to forgive them the first time, with the agreement that it will never happen again, you must be willing to to follow through with the consequences you set down. If you say that you'll leave him if he does it again, you must be prepared to leave him. If you don't, he will take it as a sign that it's okay to continue to cheat on you, because you will continue to forgive him. Are you willing to live with that?
Finally, one last thing to consider before making the ultimate choice; Can I do better than this? There are other fish in the sea. There are men that do not cheat. Are you willing to settle on what you have, or would you rather go find something better?
These are all tough questions, and forgiving your husband or not can be a tough choice. You must think about what will be better for you in the long run. After being married and dependent on your husband for so many years, it can be difficult to up and leave, but how will you feel about yourself in the end? Will you live miserably for years for staying with him, constantly kicking yourself for forgiving him? Or will you leave him and have renewed self esteem for doing so? It's all about what matters most to you.

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