by Anita Carter

Created on: August 02, 2010   Last Updated: August 03, 2010

The Good Mother: A Myth?

The "idealistic mother", "the "should be mother", or even the "perfect mother"- all of these terms fall under one fantasied belief of how and what a good mother should be.  But are they realistic?  Or is "the good mother" only a myth?  As a society, we have this vision of a woman in her 20's who has given birth to her child. She is not selfish, but caring, protective, supportive, patient, and understanding but above all loving who never makes mistakes.  However, if the woman is one who has adopted. Is she a good mother? Or if she is divorced, can she be a good mother? Or if she is elderly, can she still be a good mother? Or what if the woman is obese, sick, disabled, handicapped, or even terminal. Can she be a good mother? What if the mother spanked, cursed, smoked, drank, or has a criminal record, or even was a reformed addict. Can she be a good mother?  Mothers, like Andrea Yates, Diane Downs, or the now accused Casey Anthony, are considered evil and cold.  And we ask why? Or in our thoughts, she is a monster who should be put to death.  But if the woman, a mother, has done no wrong and still finds herself in the courts. Would the myth still hold true? It  would be wonderfu if every mother was like June Cleaver or Claire Huxable or Angelina Jolie.  But many women, mothers, are finding themselves in the courts. As a judge or jury will determine if she is a "good mother".

In the 1980's, a Florida's court ruling became landmark in the state's history.  When a woman fought to gain child custody against biological grandparents.  Her name is Janine Radcliffe.  Yet Ms. Radcliffe doesn't technically fall under  the title "mother".  Why?  She is a lesbian.  At least that was the argument that was presented to the court.   Her partner's parents felt that "this woman" had no rights to the child that their daughter had given birth too.   Though for three years, Ms. Radcliffe and her partner, Sandy Cataldi, raised this child together with no contest coming from Ms. Catadi's parents, not until their daughter had fallen victim to the disease Lupus and died.   It was after her death that the question of "mother" came into the courts.  Janine

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