by Ruth Weidemeyer

Created on: July 30, 2010

When someone starts down Alzheimer’s Lane, loved ones and friends latch onto split-seconds as if they were life preservers thrown to shipwreck victims.

They say or do something out of character, we write it off as just that. They make a wrong turn, they were preoccupied. They don’t show up for a lunch date, their mind was elsewhere. They miss your customary weekly phone call, they were busy. They forget it was trash day, they were distracted. Unusual behavior, split-second denial.

I believe the reason we work so hard to deny the evidence is because of who they are. The image that we hold in our mind is who they are. Incongruities, therefore, must have a reasonable explanation – one we are happy to provide, for our own peace of mind. We’ll keep piling on excuse after excuse, until our mind’s eye starts to see the evidence. It’s as if we’re trying to repair the cracks in a sculpture; but the more putty we add, the less it resembles its original form.

The saying, “Hindsight is 20/20″ fits. When I finally left an abusive relationship (many years ago), I took a look back to see what went wrong. Support group said to beware of red flags; and provided a list. I could have added quite a few to the list, but I obviously was not an authority on the subject – if I had been, I would not have fallen prey. Or, so I thought. I looked back to the moment I’d first met “the asshole” and found the first red flag. Looking forward from that moment, I ran into more red flags. The path I had just traveled was pocked with red flags. When I reached the end of the path, I turned to look back and saw a line of red running right along the path. Hindsight was indeed 20/20. I had intimate knowledge of every detail written on those red flags. I was not to blame for the abuse, but I had failed to recognize those warning signs… and then I failed to acknowledge them. I made split-second denials. I made excuses for his behavior until I could no longer make excuses for myself. Hindsight. Footprints.

There comes a point when split-second denial no longer works. We have to begin accepting that our loved one’s mind is ‘going’. When they make a mistake, they chip away at our pristine image of them. When denial no longer works, when it no longer comforts us, when it no longer lets us go on thinking everything will be fine, there is a last ditch effort to grab onto what was. Let go. Grab onto what

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>