by Edward Simek

Created on: March 02, 2007   Last Updated: May 03, 2007

I feel that what a child calls someone, they have that label for life.
I have three kids. two of which live with there mothers. I havent seen either one since they were three or four months old. There mothers believe that unless a full child support order is made, contact is innapropriate.

My oldest daughter told me a week ago that she hated me. She doesnt call me daddy, she doesnt consider me her father even. Even though I send birthday gifts, tell her I love her, call her two-three times a week, she hates me. She calls me her sperm donor.

Now, the piece of feces that lives in the home with her mother, she calls him daddy. He gets the pleasure of the hug after work. She gets to hear "daddy" as he walks in the house. He has my daughter.
I dont agree that a child should be calling the step parents "mommy" or "daddy". Its hard enough for a parent to have to be separated from there child because youve decided life is too hard to live together. Let alone have to hear there child say things youd never thought youd hear in your life.
So the once full time father or mother, becomes the commodity that the custodial parent can just hush out the door sunday night at 6 pm. I'm sorry its our child and not theres.

We as parents relinquish so much responsibility in divorce. We expect that our children will adapt. I can understand if the parent never wants to be there and never makes it apparent that they want to be parents. But when a child is allowed to decipher between the two as "sperm donor" or "daddy" it's different. When the other parent comes around, we think its funny to hurt that person by having our children call them something other than mommy's boyfriend or their actual name.

But don't come to conclusions. My girlfriend and I have a child and she has her daughter. I NEVER allow her daughter to call me dad, daddy or anything except my first name. It's disrespectful and confusing for the child. I can present a fatherly appearance to the child and of course where she is concerned I have the same fatherly intuitions. But the child can never consider me her father. Of course she will have memories of me being a parent to her, and maybe she can call me her step dad. But again, its not fair to the other parent to become so ignorant of there feelings, yet you have no problem taking there child support.

There should be a law that parents cannot have there children call the other parent anything other than there name or "step" parent. I'm sorry but its not healthy.

If the non-custodial parent decides to be irresponsible and not be a parent and not come around and just disappear, then fine. But for a child to have both parents, I think it shouldn't be allowed.

then there's the whole depression cycle of a teenager to think that they arent cared for or loved because the parents won't allow the step parent to be called mommy or daddy. Most teenagers become curious and begin to wonder about there other parents and start searching anyways. But a child should understand this limit.

But if you're a responsible enough parent, you should be there long enough in life that the child will know the difference. But as a step parent I wouldnt allow my step daughter to call me dad. Its not fair to her real father who does pick her up and come to see her.

Its not fair to me if my daughter calls another man daddy and can call me sperm donor and this is what shes taught to call me all her life especially when her mother is the one who left in the first place.

I may be arguing off of personal indifference and with a certain bias. But really whats mature in this issue and acceptable. And whats not doing the done thing?

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