by Jennifer Watson

Created on: July 29, 2010   Last Updated: July 31, 2010

Learning to be tactful is indeed an art form.. Most of us aren't as good at it as we would like to be. Having made more than my share of untactful blunders in the past I hope I have now learned to be more diplomatic.

Having respect for other people's feelings is the first step an individual must take when learning to become tactful. Think how what you say or do will affect others. Don't give your personal opinions to others unless they want them and even then proceed with caution. Any time that you are not sure if what you are about to say is the right thing at the right time it is best to keep silent.

For instance if an individual that you know and care for is madly in love with someone that you know is a jerk and using said individual, should you tell them? If you really care about the person you need to find a quite private place and tell them as gently as possible about what you know. Don't expect them to thank you for it and they may not even believe you. If the individual is not that close to you and your relationship is just casual, it will probably be better for you to remain silent.

Sometimes tact is simply having the wisdom to know when others don't want your well meant advice. There are ways to approach certain touchy subjects with kindness and finesse. Most important is to avoid causing embarrassment as much as possible.

When it comes to tactfully answering personal questions such as, does my new haircut look good or do you like my new boyfriend be as truthful as possible but don't say things like, you should ask for a refund or your boyfriend looks like a nut. A better answer would be, your haircut makes you look really interesting or your boyfriend has a great sense of humor. These remarks don't hurt feelings and yet they don't really commit you to saying anything that can be held against you later.

Of course there are a few times when we will have to simply "grin and bear it" in order to prevent hurting someone. If a new mom shows you her baby you should just tell her how adorable it is no matter what it looks like. Anything negative is just not gonna fly here. New moms are blind with love for their child and anyone who dares to do less than fall madly in love with their baby at first glance is risking more than it is worth. Tact is more than a word in this situation, it is a must.

Just keep in mind how what you say is going to affect your life and the lives of others and tact will become second nature after a while. Remember in some cases "silence is really golden".

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