by Jane Allyson

Created on: July 28, 2010   Last Updated: July 31, 2010

As a parent we can find it hard to accept that our child is ready to become a sexual being, but it is inevitable that your teen will be at some point, thinking, wanting and having sex in the not too distant future. We can best support our children by encouraging them to wait before having sex for the first time and to be properly informed about the dangers of having unprotected intercourse.

Although most teens will have sex education at school and a lot of knowledge will be passed on through chatting to friends and reading magazines and surfing the web, the best advice she could ever receive is from you. Overcoming your embarrassment may be a hard thing to do, but it is important that you make the effort to discuss this with your child, so you will be able to keep her safe and give her the confidence to approach you if she ever needs help in the future.

Approaching the subject may be difficult because it will be hard for your teen to discuss such matters with you. Try to show a relaxed attitude towards the subject and be as straightforward as you can about it.

You could take some books out from the library and leave them in her room saying that you thought she might be interested in reading them. Tell her you read them yourself and learnt a thing or two! Keep the conversation very light and non intrusive. When she is ready to talk to you she will.

When you have a quiet moment you could introduce the subject by asking her if she had a chance to look at the books and talk about the realistic aspect of the subject. Let her know that sex isn’t just all romance, roses or passion as the media suggests.

Keep your conversations very casual and wait for her to ask the questions. Be as open and as honest with her as you can and remind her how much you love her and that you are only discussing this issue to put your mind at rest and to fill in any spaces that school may have missed.

Remind her that she is her own person and that she shouldn’t feel pressured into having sex when she feels she isn’t ready for it. Talk about contraception and why the pill will only protect against unwanted pregnancies and why condoms are really the only way to offer all round protection.

It is very hard to broach these subjects with a shy teenager and if you feel that you are making her squirm with embarrassment, then you may have to find another way to introduce the subject.

From personal experience I found that talking about sex with my only daughter was very hard. She was just too shy to take up on any of the cues I offered. I found a solution to my problem by inviting her auntie round with a similar aged daughter and we had a lovely afternoon talking about all aspects of the birds and bees from a “girly” viewpoint. We introduced the subject by saying that her aunt had come round to teach the girls how to use contraception by using a condom and a broom handle. That broke the ice really well and we all burst out laughing.

After that it was easy.

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