by Sunshine Ross

Created on: July 27, 2010   Last Updated: July 30, 2010

Assuming the marriage does not come to the point of domestic violence or sexual violence, should you stay for the sake of the kids?

The prime argument most people give it that if they get a divorce, both mother and father will be happier and therefore be able to provide a more peaceful and more stable environment for the children. That is one big assumption. One is assuming that one will definitely be happier living apart from this other person.

Another assumption is made -that the cause of unhappiness in the marriage is your spouse. Then one concludes - certainly, a divorce will be the solution.

Take some time and step back. Re-read those short paragraphs again above and see how there is actually no sound logic to it.

We are always blaming other people for our problems. We are always looking outside ourselves for the cause of our problems and the solutions. We think that life is something that happens to us, we roll with the punches as best as we can and that we have no real control of what happens to us.

Well, what if I told you that you will run into the same unhappiness whether you get divorced or not. These same problems will manifest in other relationships. You will continue to be unhappy and you will not be able to provide that "better environment" for the children?

Why? Because the cause of your own unhappiness is the lack of understanding in your own mind, and you bring your mind wherever you go, whoever you are with. You can leave your partner, leave your country, change jobs, change your hair, sooner or later the same problems will come back because you did not change the one thing that creates your reality - your mind.

You keep believing that the problems are outside of yourself. You continue to "fix" your world, add, subtract, make changes and more changes, but you are approaching the whole thing backwards. How so? you have been trying, struggling for so long making these outside changes and where have they brought you so far?

Changing the mind is a slow gradual process. But the changes it brings to your life are solid and lasting. You have tried the other way, changing the things around you for as long as you can remember. You have come to the brink of breaking a relationship that would potentially hurt other people (your children), so what will it hurt to try another solution. Try working on your mind, your self, sincerely give it a go for a year or less then decide for yourself what to do.

So how do you do this? First learn to recognize that

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