by jfoxfiregirl

Created on: March 02, 2007   Last Updated: May 04, 2007

Letting go of a relationship is never an easy thing to do. So much of yourself is tied to the relationship that when it ends, you not only lose the other person, you lose a part of yourself. Your dreams for the future, the plans made, and the lifestyle are suddenly gone. You have doubts about your self worth, you are left wondering where your life is going, and just what you should do. If you don't have a good support system, such as good friends and family that is willing to listen, this can be an overwhelming experience. There are no 12 step programs to follow and very little help that doesn't cost a fortune.

Having been through this on more than one occaision, I believe there are some things that are very important to do. The first thing is to allow yourself time to mourn the loss. Even if you are the one who initiated the break-up, a time to grieve the relationship should not be overlooked. It gives acknowledgement and credibility to the relationship. It also offers the beginning of healing.

The second most important thing to do is to talk about the relationship. Finding one or two good friends or family members who are willing to listen without judging or offering patronizing advice is a great help. Holding in the feelings, both good and bad, about the relationship will make the healing process longer. Along with this, using a journal that you write in regularly will also help. Sometimes, you have feelings and thoughts that don't need to be expressed out loud and no one else needs to hear or see. Writing those down gets them out of your mind and makes them concrete. Once you can see them in black and white, you can begin to gain perspective about the relationship and yourself.

Evaluating the relationship objectively is a necessary part of moving forward. Look at the relationship as if you were a disinterested third party. Make a list of the things that worked well and the things that were destructive. A friend once told me that every relationship has value, whether good or bad. Take the good experiences from the relationship that made it work and apply it to the next relationship. Learn to recognize the negative and destructive things that were detrimental to the last relationship and avoid them.

Don't set a time limit for all of these things to fall into place. Doing so will only set you up for failure. Every relationship is unique and has its own unique value to your life. It takes time to work through the significance the relationship had on your life.

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