by Sam E. Jones

Created on: July 26, 2010   Last Updated: August 21, 2010

One of the biggest problems with a bipolar disorder is the fact that the person who has it, is in fact suffering from a mental illness. That fact alone means that the person in question cannot be counted on to think logically, or in some cases to behave logically.

It’s this one simple fact that is at the root of many of the problems in a relationship where one of the people has a bipolar disorder. The reason for this is because people who do not have a disorder cannot completely accept the fact that this other person does. Yes, people can know it logically, and they can have the whole thing explained to them, but because it’s not something they’ve ever been able to experience themselves, they are never really able to fully and completely embrace the whole thing. And this is why people that try to maintain relationships with someone who is bipolar have so much trouble. They see certain actions or behaviors or hear words and can only relate to them the way that people who aren’t mentally ill relate; which makes sense, unless you are trying to be with someone that does have a mental illness. In that case, it makes no sense at all, because it’s making a rational decision based on irrational information.

Speaking as someone who has dealt with not just having a bipolar disorder but has been around many other people that have it, for many, many years, I have come to see a certain character trait that many of us have, and that is a general lack of empathy for others; or even at times an inability to understand what it is that others are feeling even when told outright.

Thus, it’s not likely two people who are both bipolar could get along any better than if just one of them were, and that’s because in my opinion, people who have a bipolar disorder are more often than not incapable of feeling any empathy, even for those they claim to love. Not being able to feel it when someone you love is feeling something is very destructive in relationships. I’ve seen firsthand and have experienced myself the accusations from people who have been hurt by this and continually express how their loved one doesn’t care about things that should matter. What is confusing to them is why the other person is surprised to find this out when they are dating or have married a person who is bipolar.

The reality of life is that most relationships that involve someone who is bipolar don’t last, and this is because bipolar people are in my opinion, selfish and completely egocentric and the only ones that are able to make a relationship last are those that learn that the rules of relationships need to be followed or the relationship will end; or in other words, they need to learn to see their relationship interactions in a logical way, rather than trying to understand them, or be understood. And the other person needs to know and understand this as well. And then they need to understand that it doesn’t mean the bipolar person doesn’t love them, it only means they don’t know how to feel loved.

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