by Allison Moore

Created on: July 24, 2010   Last Updated: July 25, 2010

I am forgiving myself for the guilt I carry for church membership without ever seeking a relationship with Him for myself. I am no longer faulting pastors and evangelists for what I learned or what I felt was not taught. I am responsible for my intimate union with God. I now know that regardless of any ministers teaching, or prophet’s prophecy, I am to be held accountable for learning the Bible for myself. I am careful of others instructions, interpretations and view no man’s spiritual connection greater that my own. I am no longer harboring anger and resentment toward anyone who did not reach out to me during my incarceration. I quit judging them for expressing a desire to help people and not receiving the love I thought they should have shown me. I am watching and praying and not trusting man to live up to my expectations. The world does not revolve around Ally. I am regarding true the growth that came from being apart from anyone or anything else apart from God. Like Paul told Timothy in 2 Timothy 4:16-18: “May it not be held against them”. It forced me to seek God’s glory for His glory. When it is all said and done, it is not man who came through; but God.

Dear Beloved,

Please forgive me for having a poor attitude.  What I thought was neglect was nourishment. Your silence produced more good in my life than I could ever imagine. You inspired my direct connection with God. I made assumptions about what you should have done but what about me? It is not your fault.  My very own choices have me in this prison. This is a gift more valuable than any words of comfort or encouragement could ever be. Thank you for believing in me.  

I am making a choice to forgive my abuser. As I look back at some of my most terrifying days, I know now that I chose to stay.  It is true that I was fearful of the consequences of leaving; however, it was still an option I did not take advantage of. What I allowed continued. What I refused to confront, grew. I was not responsible for the abuse, nor do I believe all the negative things he said about me. At that time, I thought very little of myself and felt I provoked each incident. I thought I deserved it. Today, I know that is not the truth. It was and always will be unacceptable to be treated that way. When I saw the early signs, I ignored them. I knew he did it to someone else and I convinced myself from any guilt. I realize that he had his own unresolved anger issues and they

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